I have drank ayahuasca before and found the medicine to be incredibly healing, infant I did three ceremonies very close together. When I first heard someone talk about Kambo I thought it sounded awful, it was when I was in thailand, where they showed me scars of where they had been burned with a hot wooden stick and had frog venom put into the wounds. It sounded terrifying and from my perspective far more extreme than Ayascha.
Ayahuasca was healing and transformational in such a big way for me, it really helped me face pain and patterns and then let go. I have been feeling the need for a similar ceremony for a while, travelling I felt amazing, but my patterns in London life leave me feeling stagnant and unhealthy. Physically and mentally, I find London life my habits become unhealthy, I focus on work, drinking, unhealthy food, unhealthy substances. Whereas when I travel I am very much in the moment, and very much focused on eating good healing foods, doing physical things with my body such as yoga and of course relaxing in the sun.
I find whenever I am in a place where I have to make money my habits change pretty quickly, I drink too much coffee, and tea and even take amphetamines as I feel so exhausted I need that extra energy boost. I smoke too much weed in the evening, and occasionally have a valium to help me relax. Whilst back in London get caught up in unhealthy patterns with my ex partner, we end up seeing each other in someway but not really committing to the relationship, it feels unhealthy and toxic on both parts and isn’t really fair on either of us to be caught up in this space of limbo. I feel it is extremely damaging to my mental health. But there is something there and I am not ready to fully let it go. It seems to be naturally progressing into a loving friendship, and if that is to be the case I need to work on my jealousy issues. As I have noticed more recently I am feeling incredibly jealous and insecure.
So my intention for the Kambo ceremony today is to focus on my health. Physically and mentally.
I have had a cold/flu for nearly two months now. I want to boost my immune system and feel good, I want to feel cleansed and well, I want my thoughts to be clearer, I want it to be easier to make decisions for myself and listen to my intuition.
I want to feel, well physically and mentally and I want to continue to make good healthy choices for physical and mental health. I essentially want this to be an act of self care, and as I begin to change my choices it will eventually change my patterns and habits and my lifestyle will become more healthy and nourishing.
I feel scared, I don’t think this is going to be a pleasant experience but it is one I want to try. Currently I am hungry, I haven’t eaten anything for about 15 hours, and I am also not allowed to drink anything until I have had the medicine. I am nervous and scared, and to be honest looking forward to getting it over and done with.. i’ll be blogging again once I am finished.